Values? We all know the word, and we all hold its meaning dear to us. Not one of us knows what it means. It holds different meanings for us all.
For me it means Ingenuity, Dependability, Authenticity, Durability, Respectability, Positivity, Kindness. Well – all the good stuff. But each of the subvalues can be further defined, for example Positivity.
When the German army decided to fix the “Jewish problem” in Europe, they saw it as “positive action”. Now seventy years later nobody even remembers the jewish problem in Europe – and for good reason. Everyone knows the thoroughness of Der Wehrmacht.
This is a joke. Some of my friends are Jewish. But you get my point:
When the allied forces of Britain, United States and Russia drove the Germans back, mile for mile, it was a positive action. As Churchill said “we will clean the earth so they [nazi’s] won’t even be remembered in history”.
Churchilll was a positive and willful man. In the process millions were killed. Positive?
Recently I had a chat with an acquaintance. Let us call her “Anna”. She asked me how I were and I told her the truth. That evening my spirit was meager or melancholy. I had been in touch with one of my favorite ex’s earlier. Within myself I was reflecting on both the love affair I’d had with that person and the growing friendship we were experiencing.
Anna immediately gave me a lecture on how I should let go of the person, appreciate that she had since found someone else, and that I should move on. Anna believed in her heart that she was giving me good and positive advice, and probably she did.
What I heard was blindness.
She was blind to what I had really told her. I wasn’t feeling bad at all, in fact I was feeling very good about the whole thing. My spirit was “meager” and “a bit melancholy”. Neither feeling is negative or bad. I was in fact appreciating that – yes I had lost a love affair but – gained a valuable friend. My melancholy had nothing to do with letting go or sadness or a sense of loss.
What Anna didn’t allow me to tell her, before she ranted into her lecture, was that I’d had a positive and harmonious communication with my ex that afternoon. Neither did she hear the word “one of my favorite” – which for me means an Ex, but someone who gave me positive and warm memory – or experience – through our relationship.
That evening I was experiencing finely tuned emotion and allowing it to flow through me. I was aware of it and enjoyed peace and quiet that night, harvesting the joy of having “loved and lost” in a positive relationship. How many of our relationships end in kindness and friendship? I love it when it happens, and each one is a step closer to the one that will last long and be prosperous.
My melancholy was not about losing the love. I had been the one who rejected the love affair. I was the one who had let go in the first place. It was I who congratulated my Ex when she found someone else, who she believes will be her “right one”. I honestly hope that she is right. She’s a wonderful person and a valued friend.
My melancholy was a simple and finely tuned sense of quiet joy in my heart that yes, it was sad that two wonderful persons couldn’t make a good love affair grow into a good relationship. At the same time celebrating that it gave us two good friends for keeps.
Shit happens.
To be truthful I couldn’t put my sensitive and quiet emotion into words that evening. Anna was obviously not the kind of person who would or could appreciate the words that where finding their way – albeit slowly – to the surface of my consciousness.
Said melancholy had more to do with how sad it is when good people have to swim among sharks in the Sea of Love and learn by trial and error until they find what they’re looking for. Instead of just having the good instincts to find it easily and grow easily like the perfect garden.
As should be obvious by now, it had more to do with philosophy and reflection than any negative or bad feeling at all. I saw the whole afternoon and evening as a process:
A positive process in my soul towards strength, appreciation, respect and kind heartedness: I experienced Positivity.
Anna still believes that I was just feeling bitter that night and that I cannot let go. I have no time for Anna, I’ve let go of our acquaintanceship months ago. I hope she’ll fare well in her life, and that one day she’ll prefer positive depths to empty lectures.
Later my friend was instrumental in the biggest victories of my life when fighting for my home. She’s proven herself to be valuable and trustworthy friend: Someone who knows and appreciates “values”. Someone who can always take my friendship and trust for granted.
Valeus, make friends – when they’re shared. Lectures don’t.
